We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
