I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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