Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize