it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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