My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
