omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
