well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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