Is it because I queefed?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
