I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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