mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
