bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
