The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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