ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
