Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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