I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
