You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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