Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
