We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize