I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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