i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
