I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
