Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
