remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize