he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
