im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize