I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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