i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The feeling are messing with the penis
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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