I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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