beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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