11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
