These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
