it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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