home. puking in laundry basket.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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