He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
