He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
