We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
