all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
