I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
