honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize