Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
