I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
