1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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