i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
