How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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