therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His hands were made for my vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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