you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
