You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
