He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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