your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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