remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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