If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
