Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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