Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
