just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
