i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
