i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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