can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
