Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
