i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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