Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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