He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
