How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
