tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
