I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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