shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
