I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
