Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
