I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize