Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize