I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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