I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
