Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
