Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
