I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
