We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
...so i touched it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
