At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
