after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
