my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
