Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize