Dual....:-)
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize