When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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