You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
