Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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