Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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