I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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