is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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