i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize