I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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