as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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