so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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