I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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