Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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