i just had sex bonerless
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
