so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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