I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize