I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
