they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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